Side effects begin

I had planned for my next post to be about side effects that ensued after my first treatment. It is ironic that an ongoing side effect (8 years of them) is what has finally gotten me to sit down and write again.  Recently I had a night terror. They use to be fairly regular once I had finished treatments, but it has been the better part of a year since having one. They always consist of being back doing treatments, or having no hair, or of the ongoing fear that I always have; relapsing. This one was a relapsing one, and I woke up with tears running down my face and sweating uncontrollably. It is an absolute awful feeling when they happen, and it was one I couldn't shake all that day. But it did give me that kick to sit, write, and give my mental health a bit of therapy. So on with my story.

The day I left the hospital after my first treatment, we were prepared for the worst. I hadn't been stomach sick while actually receiving the chemo, but we figured it was only a matter of time before it began. We had filled the anti-nausea pill prescription and was ready to get that in, assuming the reason I wasn't vomiting yet was because they had given me the same thing at the hospital. But we weren't really sure what to expect, so we returned to my apartment to watch and wait (theme of the day). 

That first evening was pretty uneventful. I lazed around and watched t.v. I drank lots, and flushed out my system of all the drugs I was after having pumped into me. Lee and his parents who were in town for the weekend dropped by to see how I was, but there was very little to report. Around 8 or 9:00, I got my first wave of nausea. I left the living room and went into the bathroom. I remember looking in the mirror and thinking that this was it. This was the start. I sat on the edge of the tub, waiting for the nausea to turn into vomiting. I sat. I sat some more. And then it passed. I no longer felt stomach sick. I didn't throw up. I figured it was the beginning of a long night, but alas, I slept like a baby that night. 

The next morning, I still felt fine. I was eating light meals. I felt no different other than now when I laughed, the wheeze was no longer apparent. They had told me at the hospital that patients of lymphoma that have masses in their neck or arm pits, have actually watch it shrink during their first treatment. Since mine was in my chest and I couldn't see it, so I didn't know if it was shrinking or not. But the absence of the wheeze when I laughed actually meant that my mass wasn't squishing my left lung quite so hard anymore! At the time I wasn't sure if this was what it meant, but I did know it felt easier to breath. Since I felt no worse for wear, we did what anyone else in town would do on a Saturday; we went to Costco! We went, got what we needed and I still felt good. We decided to run a few more errands. By around supper time, it was me who suggested we go out for supper. If I wasn't stomach sick, might as well take advantage of it! I will always remember that meal at Don Cherry's because it was where my first change in taste of food occurred. I had a pasta with chicken in it, and the chicken was absolutely disgusting tasting to me. I had others try it as well, but it was only me that found it tasted funny. Again, at the time I didn't know this was because of the chemo. But looking back this became a common occurrence and I can now say that it was that night it happened for the first time. 

This is how things continued the first couple days after chemo The hardest/worst part of those days was getting the prednisone pills in. I easily take pills, but these were the hardest pills to swallow. I use to have to work to try and get them down and they tasted awful and were always getting caught in my throat. I had been given the advise of a patient that she use to use fruit roll ups to help her when taking them. I took that as she use to wrap the pills in fruit roll up and swallow it. So that's what I tried, and that's how I almost choked that day. Mom had to do nothing short of the Heimlich maneuver to get it back up and I thought how the world did that person do that to get the pills down? (Turns out she would work to get them down and then suck on the fruit roll up to take the taste of the pills away quicker.....such details she left out the first time). I couldn't wait for the 5 days of having to take those pills to pass so I could be done with them. But it was when they were gone that the other symptoms began.

That Monday morning I returned to school and mom returned to Bishop's. I had no side effects and all seemed well. I went back to classes and continued as if nothing had happened. I didn't miss classes on Friday for chemo as I was suppose to be completing observation days but had been exempted from  them in order to do chemo, and staying away from children and germs schools was necessary. Thoughts of well if I only got to go every third Friday for chemo, this won't be so bad floated in my mind. I took my last day of prednisone and things looked great. Until the withdrawal of that medication kicked in. My body began to feel like it had been put through an intense week long workout. All my muscles ached, I had sharp pains going from my jaw up into both ears, and I felt like I had been hit by a truck. I would go to class, come home and pass out wherever I was. I thought I had an ear infection or some kind of a bug. I even went to a doctor on campus and he looked in my ears and said all was fine. Once again, I didn't know all of this was a combination of withdrawal from the prednisone and the hit of chemo that was draining me. The biggest side effect came when I was sat in class, looking at my text book and all the words went blurry. I squinted and tried to focus but nothing would make it better. I looked up at my prof/the board and it was just blurry images. This was very scary for me as I hadn't been warned of this being a possibility. I was driven home that day as I couldn't see well enough to drive, and I feared that the treatments were catching up to me.

After some investigation, I learned that vision problems do happen to some people after chemo and that it would be temporary. It ended up lasting for about three days and just as fast as it went, my vision did return. As my vision returned, my muscles began to be less sore, and I was pretty ache-free. My energy level started to rise and I was feeling pretty decent in comparison to the previous week. I still had not vomited, and other than the one bout of nausea, I had no stomach sickness. Again, at the time I still anticipated it, but this was the norm of how my treatments went. I was one week post chemo and starting to feel like myself again. As good as I was beginning to feel, I still had that nagging voice of the nurse telling me that when I returned for my second treatment I wouldn't have any hair left. Every day I would stand in front of the mirror and tug on my hair a little, but none were coming out. I decided that I would focus on how good I was feeling, return to school and get caught up from my days of no vision, and hope that I could be a lucky one that held on to my hair. But not everything could be so smooth, and it wasn't long after that I would realize how cruel the treatments could be.

-K

**Thank you again to all those who continue to read my thoughts and experiences with this horrible disease. I appreciate every kind word I've received from people who take the time to read. Please continue to share my blog. I continue to hope that it can help someone else in a similar experience.