After spending the Thanksgiving holiday with family and friends, where I spent the majority of time thinking about how the next holiday I would come home for (Christmas), I would do so with no hair (it was an obsession of my thoughts); I returned back to St. John's to attend all my appointments. My dad also flew into St. John's to meet us. Now that we knew what was going to happen, he came home to be with us. When I saw him for the first time, my greeting to him was "hard way to try to lose a bit of weight hey?". This was my attempt to not be upset around family but of course there were tears when we hugged.
My first appointment, was a gallium scan. I had never heard of such a thing before, but basically it was a scan that involved me being injected with a solution that contained radioactive isotopes, waiting 48 hours, then returning to the hospital to have the actual scan done. The scan involved me lying down on a table and having a machine go over the top of me slowly (took about 20 minutes), but it didn't have a claustrophobic feeling as I wasn't enclosed in anything. The scan would be able to show where cancer was present in my body because the cancer would absorb the radioactive isotopes and it would "glow", as I was told. I'm sure there is a more scientific way of putting that, but thats what I took from it. Now we already knew there was cancer in my body, but this scan would show if it was anywhere else in my body or if my lymph nodes were involved, and this would then give the doctors what stage my cancer was in. All throughout this process, I wasn't really worried about the results as I was still kind of in a bubble of numbness. I was just showing up to appointments and doing what they told me. Fortunately for me, the scan revealed the cancer was contained to just the one mass in my chest, putting my cancer in stage 1.
Up next was a bone marrow biopsy. This was a procedure that I was very nervous about. It is sometimes nice to not know what's coming and I felt I knew too much about this one. I knew it was a relevantly straight forward procedure, but I was really nervous over the fact that a needle was going to go through my bone, and that I would be awake for it. At least I knew that fact going in this time, and it wasn't an unpleasant surprise once I was in there. While sitting in the waiting room, I can remember just watching the clock. All my thoughts were racing through my mind, my nervousness causing the heights of anxiety, and once again, the words "I'm fine" being my response to being asked how I was. Of course, this was the appointment that I was late getting in for. Every minute that passed, it took all my strength to not bolt from the waiting room. I had been told that some people have described having this procedure done as nothing more then having blood drawn. I held on to that hope but I would soon be let down.
I was finally called in and was escorted into a room where the procedure would happen. Mom, dad, and Karla all came to the appointment, but only mom came in with me. Essentially all I remember is a room with a table and how nervous I was. I was instructed to lie on my side, and they draped a sheet with a hole in it over my hip. They sterilized the area and moved on to putting in freezing. This wasn't the most pleasant feeling. It was the same burning feeling I had had in my chest during my ct guided biopsy. Once they allowed the freezing to set, they started with extracting the bone marrow. As I was on my side, I couldn't see what was happening, and nor would I look if I could. I remember the pain of Dr A trying to get into the bone. Even with freezing, I was still feeling pain. I tried not focus on it, and both my mom and the nurse were trying to distract me from it, but with the pain I was feeling and the force Dr A was using trying to get the needle into my bone, it was hard to focus on what they were saying. I remember mom saying that the next time she would hold my hand like she was then would be when they put an epidural in for when I had children, and I remember the nurse trying to get me to talk hockey. It was hard to focus on them, but their effort was appreciated. Finally, after all the pain, Dr. A had finished, or so I thought. He then announced that the sample he gotten wasn't good and he would have to go back in. By this point, tears were rolling down my face but we repeated the procedure. Once again, there was pain and forceful pushing, and all the while, both me and mom cried while she held my hand. Dr. A is a not a very big man and he worked like a dog to get a sample from me. Finally, he announced he had it, and with that, he bent down and kissed my cheek. This was very uncharacteristic of him. He was known for being cold and non personable, but that act of kindness was so dear of him. He knew the pain I was just put through as he said I had the hardest female bone he has ever had to get through. A fact that will be great when I'm 80 and I fall, but on that day it wasn't beneficial for me. When Dr. A left the room, the nurse looked at me in disbelief. She couldn't get over that he had shown affection towards me. She said that she has been his nurse for 20 something years and if she just stopped showing up it would be weeks later (if ever) that he would say something along the lines of "what ever happened to that nurse that use to be here?". I laugh when I think of her saying that now, but at the time I was in a lot of pain to see the humour. We left the hospital that day with me hobbling along, and we returned to our apartment for me the rest.
This was a jam packed week where I spent a lot of time in the hospital. All of these things had to happen to get to my first chemo appointment that was to happen on the Friday of that week. I learned more medical terminology and experienced more procedures in less than a month then I had throughout my whole life. My bone marrow biopsy results wouldn't be back for a couple of weeks, but the plan of chemo was to go ahead as scheduled. I wondered how many more unknowns could I face after the week I had just had, but this was just the beginning. Up next, round 1 chemotherapy.
-K
Once again, I would like to thank everyone who continues to read my blog, I appreciate every kind word I receive and I hope me sharing my experience can help others in similar situations. Hoping everyone is enjoying the holidays and wishing good health to you all in the new year!
